I love this song. My apologies to those who don’t like Monty Python. But honestly, you don’t have to listen to it. It just sets a good mood for what’s coming next.
Two giant numbers for me right now. Six is the number of months our house has been for sale without a (decent, at least what I consider decent) offer. Fifty is the percentage of our budget that we have either received or have been pledged.
The other big number at the moment. This is the number of months we have left where we can pay our mortgage and bills for our house back home and also pay rent, insurance and buy food here in Texas. After this next month, our savings account will be empty.
So ya, I’m starting to worry. Like sick to my stomach, cannot sleep, keeping Michelle annoyed and awake worried.
“Where is my miracle, God” “I’ve told the world that you’re going to provide for us, God.” “What are you’re waiting for?”
And silence is returned.
Many well meaning Christians will probably like to take this opportunity to remind me of some things. For example, we’re told not to worry throughout the Bible. Psalm 56 and Matthew 6:25 come to mind. Very good points and I agree.
But anyone who claims they have never worried about how they are going to pay the bills and provide for their family is either supernaturally gifted, or lying.
The struggle (at least for me) with being a disciple of Christ has nothing to do with trusting Him that His death and resurrection will allow you to stand before God at the end. I understand that part and wholeheartedly embrace it and live it! My struggle is taking all the other teachings and wisdom and learnings in the Bible and applying it to my earthly life. And my earthly life is very effective at making the transition from knowing the truth to living the truth somewhat painful.
That’s why hearing “Do Not Steal” and living a life where you aren’t a thief is difficult for some. Or being jealous. Or an adulterer. Or greedy.
The mind knows, but the person has to learn how to live it. So again, as much as I know that I have nothing to worry about, the reality is that I look at my vacant house and empty bank accounts and the pressure hits. My thoughts dwell on it. I wonder where I made mistakes and I suspect that I misunderstood God. Worry that I’ve made some tragic mistake or error fills me. And then my pride takes over and leads me to considering other options. Options that may be against what God has planned.
And there you have it. My state of mind for the last few weeks. In my best Canadian accent, I’d like to say sorry. I’m not perfect, I am scared about this next month. You are more than welcome to tell me I’m wrong, just please understand I already know the truth about the uselessness of worrying. Now, I just ask for your support as I work to take further control of my mind.
Something is gonna happen soon. It has to.