Today is the first day of my vacation. And I was ready for this one. But why am I up before 7am? Good question. In fact there are many good questions to ask right now! So let’s be a little unoriginal and have a Q&A session.
Q: Don’t you take too many vacations?
A: Well, I don’t think I do. In fact the last time I took one was WAY back in April went we went to Oaxaca. That’s like 5 months ago! But at work yesterday I had several conversations that went like:
Me: I’m on vacation starting tomorrow!
Random Co-Worker: Again???????
Q: So why get up early on the first day of your vacation? Isn’t that 98% idiotic and 2% just plain odd?
A: Well, here’s the thing. I haven’t blogged in a long time. In fact the last post was that silly “Birthday Breakup” thing which was a really strange and abstract attempt at humour. And I suspect it was 4.6% funny, 10% confusing and 85.4% just plain weird.
Q: But why blog early in the morning? I feel like you’re avoiding me here.
A: I’m not avoiding you. It’s early and I was up late. So it takes a while for thoughts to form.
Q: Ya right,
A: OK, there’s plenty of thoughts. But most of them don’t make any sense.
Q: Can we get back on topic?
Q: And you’re blogging because?
A: Because I’m heading on a road trip tomorrow.
A: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaad Trip!
Q: Oh no.
A: That’s not a question.
Q: You remember that one time you road tripped? And you went a little crazy?
A: Ya, but that was that insane trip to Tlaxiaco by myself. This time it’s a lot shorter. AND I have Michelle and the kids.
Q: You think having three kids in a van for 8 hours a day will keep you sane?
A: Hmmmmmmm, good point.
Speaking of sanity, there are two things I absolutely have to do before leaving on a trip. First, I need to ensure the house is clean. I hate coming home from a long trip to a dirty house. Also I need to clean the van. It needs to be spotless before we leave. I know it will get dirty, but I refuse to allow the road trip dirt to pile up on top of the regular dirt. Road trip dirt is special and deserves to be treated that way. I washed the van last night, which gives us the answer to the question:
How come you’re already $15 down on your trip budget?
Q: So when do you leave?
A: Bright and early tomorrow morning!
Q: Why not today?
A: Because the older two kids have been at camp all week. We go pick them up this afternoon.
Q: What’s it like having only one kid for the week?
A: Oh man, SO easy. Although poor #3 kid was bored out out of her mind. Turns out mom and dad just aren’t that fun for a three year old.
Q: Isn’t it stupid to announce to the world that you’re leaving your house for a prolonged time?
A: First of all, how is anyone surprised that I’m doing something stupid? But also, I feel that it is ok for a number of reasons. Like because I have nothing of value in my house, so any of you people reading this who are considering breaking in might as well not waste your time. Which brings up another point, I don’t believe my “many” readers (aka my mom) like to steal stuff. (although here’s a little known fact, my sweet mother LOVES to play practical jokes. And she can be pretty ruthless. Crazy, huh?)
Oh ya, and just in case someone decides to figure out where we live and break into the house to steal our worthless stuff I’d just like to mention I’ve also left behind three pit-bulls at the house. I won’t tell you what rooms they’re in, but I teased them, starved them and made them watch re-runs of Full House before we left. So they’re pissed. Good luck!
Q: How many birds to you expect to kill on this trip?
A: Only one.
Q: Care to explain further?
A: Little known fact, on many of our road trips Michelle and I have hit a bird with our vehicle just as we were leaving. So now we consider it an omen of good luck!
Q: Any other numbers you wish to share?
A: Maximum number of times I can listen to the Barenaked Ladies Album “Snack Time” in a row: 5. I think I’ve done more, but I’m a little older and less tolerant now. Number of Cokes we’re bringing along: only 2 I think. That’s because the second we cross the border I’m going to buy 10 cases of Cherry Coke. Number of Tommy Boy quotes thrown out? Sadly I suspect there won’t be many as I’m not traveling in convoy with my buddies Dave and Dan. If they were coming along then I would have to say we would quote the movie at least two times fully. But there is an awesome chance of Michelle telling me to be quiet when I through out a “Holy Shnikees!”
Q: You’ve been writing for a half hour already, do you think it is time to stop?
A: I suppose.