Vacation Day 3 – The toothbrush ignorance

This is one of those entries where I am just writing because I think people may actually be upset if I don’t.  So with an admission that sets your expectations so low that you can’t help but be impressed by what comes next…

Day 3 was the third day of our trip.  And being the third day, we decided to ensure that everything was done in threes.  For example, when we woke up this morning we found that we had three children.  Crazy.  I remembered to brush my teeth 3 times; and I also forgot to brush my teeth 3 times.  I had three muffins with breakfast and we got exactly three rounds of play done on the Axis and Allies game.

(Can I submit the line “Day 3 was the third day of our trip” to some kind of bad writing contest?  Because that had to be the worst of many incomprehensible statements I have made.”

Yes, Axis and Allies.  Featuring Jeremy, Jared (the older), Jared (son of me) and me (father of Jared, son of me).  (Did you catch the three J’s playing?).  (Did you notice I a really abusing brackets lately?)

I was able to teach my son how to play Axis and Allies today.  That’s so cool.  Sure I’ve taught him how to ride a bike, play Guitar Hero and poop in a toilet, but Axis and Allies is cool.

OK, the next attempt at turning everyday dreariness into a clever tale is of how I tried to find a camera at Wal-mart today.  And I wanted to get a better price on it so I printed up the Target ad that showed them selling the camera for $30 cheaper.  Simple price match situation.  Except that the closest Target to the Port Angeles/ Sequim area is an hour away.  So Wal-mart told me that they couldn’t match the price since Target is not a local store.

Right.  And Wal-mart is.  I wonder if they are aware that they have numerous locations across the USA, Canada and the world?  And most of them are close to a Target?  So in reality, you pretty much compete with them all of them, right?  But when you are at the Sequim Wal-Mart you cannot price match against Target because they aren’t the “competition”.  Also, you are a maniacal, local store destroying monster (who allows me to save money) so you cannot also be a “local store”.   Brilliant idea Wal-mart.

I’ll show them, I’ll just do what every other smart shopper does and drive an hour away to save $30.  They are going to miss my $150.  Enjoy bankruptcy!


Tomorrow I get to discover what it is like to play basketball at 5:30 AM.  IN THE MORNING.  I can understand playing hockey at that time, but basketball?  I play basketball about once a year.  And lately I’ve been about as effective as a drunken frat boy at Mardi Gras, whatever that means.  But that would be playing at a regular time in the day.  5:30 is wrong, just wrong.  It would be like taking that same drunken frat boy, putting him in an inflatable bouncy room with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and then telling him not to still a drop.  And also releasing 3 three year olds into the same bouncy room.  But I’ll be doing it anyways.

And playing basketball in the US is also stupid for a Canadian kid.  In Canada, I’m tall.  In the USA I am average.  In Canada, we play hockey first and laugh at basketball second.  In the USA, they play basketball quite well I am told.  So my only chance is to play up the whole “I’m just a simple Canadian, eh?” thing until they get relaxed.  Then I pull the jersey over their head and do a nice lay up.  And then run my hoser butt out of the gym before they catch me and do whatever they do to foreigners who make them look silly.

And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to keep yelling “Ladies and gentleman, your 2010 Olympic SILVER medalists in ice hockey…”  That should get enough anger in them that I can play.

Did I mention that basketball at 5:30 is gonna be a bad idea?


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