I’ve been dreading writing this post. Well, at the same time I have been looking forward to actually having something to write about! Let me explain…
We’ve been back for over three months now. Time has flown by, but not really. It is not because we are being overly busy or active. It’s just the lifestyle here. If I had a word to describe it, I would have to use monotonous. The same thing every day makes it hard to realize time has passed. And I don’t know why, but working a 40 hour week (um, ok 37ish) combined with an hour of commute each way just doesn’t make you feel like doing much else afterward. So many days end with us sitting and watching TV. Or playing computer games.
Living missionally is a lot harder to implement than it is to talk about.
It’s been exactly a year since I left for Mexico on the “Roadtrip to Insanity”. So many good memories. So many silly things I did, said and thought. No wonder Michelle was getting more worried about me by the day. Can you believe that I basically went two days without eating while driving through Mexico the first time? Man, I was scared to try and eat anywhere. And I thought there was no where to eat. Which is doubly funny because the second time we drove through there I saw nothing but restaurants!
I sure didn’t realize a year ago how much my life would be impacted by 10 months in Tlaxiaco.
One of the hard parts of being back is having our minds and hearts changed, but looking the same on the outside. Therefore people expect the same actions from us while we are thinking differently. I don’t think it has lead to any big verbal disagreements, but then again I think there have been many times that I have restrained myself in a forum where I disagreed.
Many times Michelle and I wonder if we’ve messed up and should be doing more. We want to have our lives fully glorifying God. To mean something. Now. Then I think God exhibits some of that amazing grace we’ve sung about and reminds us that His timing is a little different than what we want. But then I think people use that excuse too often to allow themselves to do nothing.
Are we just waiting for God to move? Or are we missing or ignoring the work he wants us to do?
We’ve had a few conversations with people in regards to our time away and how we communicated with all of our supporters. And a couple of interesting comments came up. We heard that there were people out there who felt we were angry, or possibly incredibly annoyed, or even just plan mad. This is funny. And incredibly confusing. Yes, we dealt with a lot of feelings while we were gone. A lot of confusion and working things out. Such things are normal and healthy and a part of culture shock.
But we weren’t angry with anyone. And we apologize if anyone got that impression. We have nothing but thankfulness and extreme gratitude for all who prayed, communicated and gave to us.
Although, may we suggest that in the future if you are concerned about us that you talk to us?
Seeing all the Facebook and blog updates about the new MTS students arriving today drags up some interesting feelings. We would love to be there right now. Life was exciting down there, always a chance for something new and exciting to occur. I can see how people can just keep doing short term trips. What a rush! We made some pretty amazing friends and totally wish we could be with them.
But that’s not our life now. (although we are planning to take a team back to Tlaxiaco in March 2010. Want to come?)
So we’re battling right now on what we are to do. We had so many dreams and hopes for our arrival back in Airdrie. And each and every one of them is possible. But each one faces so much opposition. And we don’t feel adequate or necessarily charged to go in any direction. Again, we may be impatient. But we just don’t want to get content with middle-class suburban life. IT IS SO EASY to get content in this culture. Everything you see and do, including churchianity, is developed with keeping people comfortable. “Doing what you want to do” is the mantra of life around here. And no one around here would question us, or even push us to change if we just decided to pursue comfort and ease.
How do you balance seeking God and pushing into His battle for souls against resting in His comfort and peace?
So this is where we are at. Dissatisfied, but yet hopeful. Wanting a change, but knowing that this is where we are supposed to be. Excited that God still pays attention to us and is pushing us, but fighting being jealous of people who just look at life as theirs to enjoy. There’s a part in the Matrix trilogy where one of Nero’s “team mates” betrays them. He was sick of knowing the truth. He wished he had never made the choice to leave the matrix.
We don’t regret swallowing this “pill”. It is worth it!